(This post is purely my opinion, and I speak only for myself. Updated 4 December 2025.)
Last weekend during in Montreal, I danced with a leader who’d been taking classes for about seven months.
Earlier that day, I’d seen him at the studio buying a tango dress for his girlfriend; she looked happy, and he looked proud that he’d gotten her something that she clearly liked.
At the milonga, he tried to cabeceo me, but I waited until the music was not so demanding and the floor was emptier. I looked his way and allowed him to cabeceo me. He tip-toed his way towards my seat in case he’d gotten it wrong.
The tanda was pleasant. He was self-deprecating about his skills, but not too much. Between songs, we chatted about his visit to Montreal. During the dance, he paused a lot, and he walked a lot, and he lead some ochos and the cross. He was only ok when it came to finding the beat.
Despite the simplicity of his dance, he was “milonga-ready” because he was socially ready to be there. He knew how a milonga works, and he was there to have fun.
There’s some debate over how many classes a student should take before going to their first milonga. I wouldn’t say a student knows enough dance after three or four classes to truly enjoy themselves in the line of dance. But I also can’t say, “You need x amount of classes,” either. And I won’t discourage a student from going to a milonga if their curiosity pushes them. But it’s important that they have enough information to reduce their stress.
Way back in August 2006, I made fast friends with Bryan, my first tango teacher, and after 4 months of class and practice, he took me to my first milonga. It was the Saturday night gala at a tango festival. He’d taught me what I needed to know to enjoy the milonga, so he didn’t have to baby-sit me. I had a couple of tandas – one with Bryan and one with the big local teacher he’d somehow bribed into dancing with me.
At 22, I’d been to formal events and the senior prom, but never to anything like a milonga. It felt very grown-up!
Overall:
- I was not ready: My actual dancing was nervewracking, and of course I was too nervouse to follow properly. This is not me now looking back at my experience; I knew back then that it was not good dancing! But I got over it at the next práctica and then next class.
- I was totally ready: I was excited to see all kinds of tango dancing, got to witness some pros in action (some of whom are my colleagues now), and heard orchestras I’d never heard before (TROILO, holy macaroni). It was a big milestone of my early tango life, and gave me something to reach for.
I think the answer to “Am I ready to attend milongas?” is more about attitude than actual skill.
You might be ready for the milonga if you know the basics of milonga etiquette and if some of the following apply to you:
- You have a positive approach towards your skills and those of other dancers.
- You’re ok to just sit and chat, enjoy the music, and watch others dance.
- You practice sometimes outside of class, whether it’s alone or with a partner.
- You see the milonga as time to have fun with what you’ve learned, rather than a place to show what you have learned.
A milonga is literally a tango dance gathering, so try to enjoy the “gathering” aspect, regardless of what happens on the dance floor. You’ll to come back for more and allow your community to get to know you. You’ll learn to relax into the embrace, which always feels better to an experienced partner.
If a couple of these mindsets feel familiar:
- You don’t practice or review your class materials ever,
- You think your teacher or advanced dancers must dance with you so that you can have fun,
- Your teacher or your fellow students keep telling you to relax your arms or that your embrace feels tense,
- You think you need to dance a lot of tandas to be successful,
You might not be ready to go to the milonga.
Of course you can go to the milonga if these thoughts pop into your head or if your embrace is a work in progress. But these thoughts can affect your embrace and your interactions with others, just so you know.
Fortunately, experience and time usually “heal” these counterproductive mindsets!
Only you can decide when you are ready to attend a milonga. But I wouldn’t leave it too long and let your first milonga become this “big deal” that you must prepare a lot for. It’s just a social gathering with dancing in middle! Jump in when you’re ready.
And let’s be honest: a small tango community needs you as much as you need them.
Occasionally, here at Siempre Tango Ottawa, we offer a “First Milonga” or a “similar event “First Práctica” for our beginner students. The evening includes a Q&A about milonga etiquette and then dancing, with teachers to guide them. It’s a way to celebrate the hard work of our beginner students, and it’s the event that I wished I could’ve attended when I was just starting out.
But even if your school or community doesn’t offer a beginner-friendly event, don’t despair.
Start going to prácticas to get used to how the dance floor flows. Talk to people in your class and arrange to go to prácticas as a group so you at least have people to sit with and dance with. Be sure to ask your teachers for help, too – that’s what the práctica is for!
When you do decide to go to milongas, be social about it. If milongas are about dancing with your friends, you have to make friends first. Sit with different people and ask questions, or park yourself next to the snack table and say “Hi.” There’s usually one or two curious people who will come up to you because they haven’t seen you before. Be open to the unexpected.
For the most part, tango dancers look out for each other – so let your new friends help you. Enjoy!
